Washington D.C. – In a shocking revelation, multiple sources within the White House have come forward to report a series of bizarre and unexplained sightings of ghostly apparitions lurking in the somewhat hallowed halls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
According to eyewitnesses, the ghostly entities, described as transparent unlike the politicians who wander the halls and eerie figures, have been spotted by numerous staff members and Secret Service agents over the past few weeks. The apparitions are said to be tall, gaunt, and dressed in outdated attire (much like our oldest law makers), with some witnesses claiming to have seen them wandering the corridors late at night or lingering near specific bedrooms and bathrooms.
“It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before,” said one White House staffer, who wished to remain anonymous. “I was working late one evening when I saw this…this thing floating down the hallway. It was so thin and pale, with eyes that seemed to bore into my soul. Thinking it was Mitch McConnell I said “hi.” It kept moving and I didn’t know what to do, so I just froze and watched as it vanished into thin air.”
The sightings have been reported across various parts of the White House, including the East Wing, the West Wing, and even the President’s own residence. While some have dismissed the occurrences as mere hallucinations or pranks gone wrong, others believe that the White House may be haunted by the restless spirits of former presidents or historical figures ironically still doing nothing while on public’s time.
“I’ve worked in this building for over a decade, and I’ve never seen anything like this before,” said another staffer. “I’ve always loved working here, but now I’m starting to feel like I’m not alone. I feel like someone is sniffing my hair while I work and it’s creepy.”
The White House has declined to comment on the sightings, citing security concerns and an ongoing investigation. However, sources close to the administration have confirmed that a team of paranormal investigators has been brought in to explore the possibility of supernatural activity, as tie dyed colored van was spotted outside the Whitehouse early in the morning.
The news has sent shockwaves through the nation’s capital, with many speculating about the possible causes behind the sightings. Some believe that the stress and chaos of modern politics may have awakened a long-dormant energy, while others think that the White House’s rich history and tragedy may have imbued it with a malevolent presence. It should be noted that it’s also possible the addition of a trickle down demonic summoning circles installed sometime in the 1980’s may be the cause as well.
As the investigation continues, those who work within the White House walls can’t help but wonder: are they truly alone in their daily routines, why are their glory holes in the bathrooms and why do the bathrooms have a coin slot to access the toilet paper? Are they being watched by unseen eyes from beyond the veil? Why is Clinton’s cigars found randomly in the lady’s room?
**UPDATE:** The White House has released a statement reassuring employees and visitors from mortal plane that all necessary measures are being taken to ensure their safety and security. Meanwhile, paranormal enthusiasts with their K2 meters & audio recorders are flocking to Washington D.C., hoping to catch a glimpse of the elusive ghostly apparitions and demand they get back to work making this country great again. Ecto-1 and a 1967 Chevy Impala were seen heading into Washington, D.C. this afternoon… more to come on this development.
